I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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