I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
