some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize