I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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