i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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