i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
