I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
