Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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