i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
