i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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