ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
