I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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