Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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