the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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