tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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