arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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