dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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