If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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