never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
