I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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