He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
