Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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