look no pants
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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