I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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