It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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