Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
