Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
