He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
