Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
