What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
