If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The ass gains better be worth it
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