shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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