Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
