so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
