i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
