so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
