Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
