dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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