Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
