I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
