I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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