I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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