Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
