Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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