Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
