She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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