wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
