there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
