fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
