Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
