you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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