how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Randomize
