why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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