I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
