Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
