Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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