Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
