Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize