Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
