u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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