Those balls look pretty dangerous.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
