the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
