Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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