I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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