I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just gift wrapped bread.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
