I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
