I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
