3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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