I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
