just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize