And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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