were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Randomize
