I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
