ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
