If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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