Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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